Forsaken

Sunday Whirl  1-12-14

Forsaken

I need to illuminate
for its impact extracted
a horrible price

the scene was remote
forsaken by moonlight

littered by the storm
not a ripple in the pool

lifeless
 and I swear
haunted

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written for The Sunday Whirl.  The words are above the poem.

I’ve noticed it is easy for me to pen a dark poem with the Whirl words.   I wonder if I could write a mystery, short story or novel.  Also noticed, when I write an unprompted poem, it is not dark.  My daughter is correct in saying that the prompted poems allow me to use words I would not normally use.  I can add that the prompted poems also allow me to
write from my shadow side; a fun place to occasionally visit on paper.

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About Sabra Bowers

Poet / Blogger / Writer
This entry was posted in Poetry and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Forsaken

  1. magicalmysticalteacher says:

    Lifeless…and yet haunted—a haunting ending to a mysterious happening!

    A Singular Whirl

  2. annell4 says:

    Do we ever really know where it all comes from? I like what you did. I am thinking, it can only happen when it isn’t.

  3. Creepy! But excellent.

  4. jae rose says:

    Atmospheric is good..when there is darkness to be figured out that’s not bad..it’s darkness with no remorse that’s troubling..

  5. The “shadow side” – a fun place to visit, just don’t stay over there too long!

  6. The 2-4 stanzas make a great opening hook sentence to a short story or novel. I think your idea of penning a mystery is a great one.

  7. Imelda says:

    It seems like words are keys to places you’ve not seen before. 🙂

  8. great I like this one very much

  9. Marianne says:

    A concise, artistic expression of abandonment!

  10. 1sojournal says:

    The darkness, or dark side, is not necessarily bad, especially when we remember to bring our own light instead of fear. There can be priceless treasures there as well,

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/in-the-aftermath/

  11. Sabra Bowers says:

    I agree, Elizabeth. You stated it well. Thanks for your visit. 🙂

  12. humbird says:

    Haunting and feels the determination to solve the issue.

  13. oldegg says:

    Still waters run deep and who knows what is in the depths…waiting!

  14. coalblack says:

    *shiver*

    coal (Fireblossom)

  15. Pamela says:

    Nice concise use of the words, Sabra.
    “lifeless
    and I swear
    haunted”

    That is how I feel right now.

    Pamela

    • Sabra Bowers says:

      Thank you, Pamela. I hear you. I do hope things will improve for you soon. Our lives spiril in and out of joyful, sorrowful, and lifeless times. May this time of lifelessness pass and be followed my deep love, calm, and sweet joy. Hang in there,

  16. Irene says:

    The last stanza makes hair curl.

  17. Mark Spruill says:

    You definitely paint a good (and a little creepy) picture! Try the mystery writing. I bet you would be good at it. You could start with a short story. I have started one myself, but it’s the finishing that’s the hard part.

  18. ms pie says:

    absolutely…. it is a good exercise to go places that we would not necessarily wander to… forsaken is yes such a dark word in a dark world…. bravo…. ms pie

  19. I agree with you on the Wordle words offering a chance to spice up the vocabulary. And more times than not, I find a dark shroud over poems I had written using them. This certainly delivers with a side of macabre, Sabra. Well done.

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