Have you ever felt you were groping for the next thing to do? Did you arrive at a fork in your journey and you couldn’t decide to go right or left? Is it late enough in your personal journey to know that this may be your last major fork; therefore, you want to get it right this time?
I’ve felt all of the above and at the same time felt grateful that I could possibly make a choice. I know that ultimately none of it will matter; and I know that everything I do matters energetically. I hold space for both these ways of being. Like life herself, I am required to hold joy and sorrow in my heart.
I wrote the following poem Blank at a time when I was feeling I needed to find my compass, make a choice at the fork, and allow joy to whisper in one ear while sorrow whispered in the other.
When I think of myself
doing something – anything
in my mind’s eye
I’m younger and enthusiastic.
Then I realize.
She no longer resides in me.
She resides in my thoughts and memories.
I don’t yet know this older me.
I try to see her in my imagination.
She won’t come.
She leaves me blank
for the next rung.
My poem Blank is published in the anthology: Inner Lives Women Writers Explore their Identity, Expression and Transformation.